Early last week (just after my last blog post), my husband and I sat at the edge of our bed and said our morning prayers. Things have been tough in our house, living with a recovering addict and helping to raise our beautiful, sweet granddaughter. I can’t remember who said the prayer, but I do remember that we asked for guidance, as my husband’s job security was in peril, and I am working for temp agencies while I try to work out critical career decisions. My daughter just wants to get through school, and to find some emotional and mental balance. Of course, we all want to feel a sense of belonging at church, and only my husband feels comfortable there, despite the fact that he is a convert from Chicago and hates living in Utah.
We asked our Heavenly Father to help us to make the right decisions as we are working to achieve our goals of finding job security, moving to a larger place accommodating to the needs of this extended and blended family, and feeling a sense of belonging in this conservative stronghold. It’s been almost year since my daughter moved in with us, but nothing is really coming together for any of us. I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, but we didn’t seem to be getting any closer, and my daughter often voiced the fear that the light was from an oncoming train. Continue reading
I’m reentering the conversation.
First of all, let me be clear about my church membership. I haven’t left. I guess you could say I’m working my way back, even though I never fully left in the first place. If you were under the impression that I had left, I apologize that I wasn’t fully clear in my previous blog post. It’s just with so many active members vocally celebrating the election of a man who fell under broad LDS condemnation over his misogyny, racism, and general moral inappropriateness during his candidacy, I seriously needed a lot of space.
I could not even be in the same room as anyone in Utah talking politics after November 8. From that time, until the inauguration, the amount of angst I was experiencing multiplied. It got to the point where I studiously avoided Facebook, and I could not even retreat to the relative safety of blogging. I did NOT want to deal with any thoughts or opinions on the man many call our president. I still can’t bring myself say the words president and Trump in the same sentence. (Looks like I just did it–and to be honest, I didn’t like it at all.)
I really struggled with acknowledging the actual validity of this election, when it was so obvious that there was interference, and given the man’s penchant for taking pecuniary advantage of people, I’m sure there was money involved. After all, money talks, and people were listening, especially old white men. And if you are an old white man who is offended by that remark, I have just one question; why are you reading my blog? Continue reading
What I really should be saying is that I didn’t do it. I mean, I didn’t follow my daily list, nor did I go to church.
Back in September of last year, I announced that I would be following a recommended daily to-do list that I had used way back in the day while I was still married to my first husband, and well into my years as a divorcee. When applied correctly, without compulsion, it worked very well for me. But, like I said, I didn’t follow it, and the results were very nearly disastrous.
I’m not going to go into detail, but I had to quit my job, and I very nearly left the church completely. So completely, in fact, that by Thanksgiving I began announcing to close family members, that I had already left the church. I didn’t really leave, I told them, but I felt that the church had left me, and that was why I would not be going back. Continue reading